Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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