Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
