What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize