If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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