Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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