the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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