i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
