You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
