fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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