I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
babies were throwing up all over the place
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
