We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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