Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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