tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
