I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Randomize