So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
