I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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