I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
