my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
