if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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