I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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