I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
