The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize