I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
