Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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