my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
