I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
