Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
