I cannot find my penis.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
