You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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