just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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