I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
