I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
