You can't motorboat a personality
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
