I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
