Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
