just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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