You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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