I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
pop tarts are not kleenex
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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