The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
