so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize