I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
