you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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