I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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