i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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