You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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