he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize