Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
