I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
