During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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