The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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