Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize