We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
