I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
