the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
