Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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