the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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