Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
