We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
