god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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