Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
