Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
