I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
