Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
