I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize