The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
