I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
