I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
