Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
